By CNTributor Peter Harmon1. There must be ample toilet paper available, like enough to wrap all of the Fast and Furious franchise cast members like mummies.2. There must be only one toilet in the bathroom. I ain’t pooping next to anyone, ever, unless I’m in a foxhole and even then I will wait patiently while my fellow soldier does his business.3. Preferably I will be the first dumper of the day, if not I will not even enter the bathroom within an hour of the last dumper.3a. I may never know the identity of said last dumper. I don’t want to associate you with your ass smell for the rest of our relationship.4. No one may see me leave the stall, I must remain thought of as an entity that does not make waste, like cartoon characters and girls.5. If I enter the bathroom and see that the stall door is locked I must return to my desk and write a list of conditions for pooping at work before checking back to see if the dumper has left. Then I will wait an hour and poop.
Today, Above Average is premiering a brand new series called, “The Future with Emily Heller.” It stars stand up comedian, Emily Heller, who reads the fortune of various celebrities. Today’s premiere episode stars musician and comedian, Reggie Watts (IFC’s Comedy Bang Bang!). The series is directed by Jorma Taccone (The Lonely Island, SNL, HBO’s Girls). It just so happens that today is also Jorma’s birthday!
We really think that you’re going to enjoy the series. Thanks for checking it out,
Team Above Average.
Philadelphia-based sketch comedy mavens, ManiPedi, love to shake their tits! Watch them shake their tits all over the world in their brand new music video for their up and coming dance hit, “Shakin’ My Tits.”
New Django Unchained Parody! “Django 2Chainz”
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We made a 60 sec clip of a musician’s first day in an orchestra. Hope it strikes a chord. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bDrdSgFYlQ
It’s a big day for a classical musician, as years of training culminate in his first rehearsal. Written, performed and filmed by Racing Minds. Music by Skidmore College Orchestra (under CC License). http://www.racingminds.co.uk